My Kids Will Be Okay

“I don’t know if I’ll marry a boy or a girl.  I’ll just marry who I love.” Hayden

Being a mom is not easy.  There are many days where I feel I’ve yelled too much.  The house is a disaster.  The kids are fighting all day long.  Someone has been crying on and off all day.  One kid is talking back over the smallest task.  Another kid is dumping out all of the toys.  And one kid has colored on the walls.  I go to bed at night completely drained, but lie awake all night thinking about what I did wrong that day.  Was I a good mom?  Do they know I love them?  Should I have handled that situation in that way?

I know we all have days like that.  And for my kids, it seems to be worse in winter.  It gets dark earlier.  It can be bitter cold outside.  They are definitely watching more TV than they should be.  And they aren’t playing outside after school like they do during the other seasons.  I feel like it has been a constant full moon since December.  

But, despite all the struggles, and meltdowns, and drama, I know they are going to be okay.  Because when it comes to friendships, they know how to handle themselves.  Maybe not when they want imaginative play to go their way.  But in the long run, they seem to know what a good friendship entails.  

All of my kids love to be social.  They love to be around other kids.  And they just love to play.  Hayden, especially, can make friends wherever she goes.  When we talk about friendships, they usually say they like their friends because they are nice.  They are fun to play with.  They do fun stuff.  And they like me for me.  

And I feel that’s the most important thing.  “They like me for me.”  We are all unique.  We all have different interests.  And if these young kids can figure out that we should just like each other for who we are, then why can’t adults?  

I was worried about how Hayden’s friendships would change when she transitioned.  But, I didn’t need to worry.  Her friends who like her for her, have stayed her friends.  And for the most part, I don’t think she lost a single friend that she loved.  Some parents may not have been too happy with the change, but the kids don’t seem to care.  

When Hayden came home upset because a friend told her at recess that two girls can’t get married, she looked at me and said, “But that’s wrong.  Two girls can get married.  And two boys.  I don’t know if I’ll marry a boy or a girl.  I’ll just marry who I love.”  I asked her what she told her friend at recess and she said, “I told her yes they can.  And then we just played.”  Simple as that.  Our families may have differing opinions.  But those two kids figured out how to still get along when being given different messages in their homes. 

I know it’s not always going to be this simple for Hayden.  There will be times where a friend might not want to simply move on from the situation.  But for now, I’m happy with how things are going.  I know she’s going to be okay.  I know all of my kids are going to be okay.  Because they know they can be their true selves.  And that there is nothing wrong with their true selves.  And I hope as time goes on that that will be enough.