“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept and celebrate those differences.” Audre Lorde
I have many hopes and dreams for my children. I hope they grow up into well rounded adults. I hope they are kind to people they meet. I hope they accept others who are different from them. I hope they never stop learning. I hope they never stop questioning.
The world is not always accepting. People who don’t follow what society deems normal are not always accepted for who they are. They may be tolerated, but not accepted.
Tolerance is defined as the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with. Acceptance is defined as a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition without attempting to change it or protest it.
People may tolerate each other. But that is not the same as accepting each other. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Especially as it relates to my children. I hope they are able to “recognize, accept and celebrate” the differences they have with others. I hope they never stop asking questions to learn about those differences.
It is our differences that make us unique. It is our differences that make us who we are. Tolerating those differences does nothing to better society. Tolerating those differences just allows people to hold on to their anger and stereotypes. Accepting our differences allows us to move on as a society. It allows us to get rid of common stereotypes. It promotes change.
Acceptance vs. Tolerance always has me worry about my children. Will they be accepted for who they are? Will they be accepted by their peers? By their teachers? By those they meet throughout their life?
I worry about all of my children. But I worry about Hayden the most. I worry about him because he doesn’t conform to societal norms. He doesn’t follow gender stereotypes. Alas, most of these gender stereotypes are based on sex, not on gender. And that is something society still often gets wrong.
But my biggest fear is that I will send Hayden off into a world that only tolerates him. A world that fears him. Because that’s essentially what tolerance is. Dealing with something because it’s there, but you don’t accept it for what it is.
I know I had a lot of these misconceptions growing up. I didn’t fully understand the difference of sex vs. gender until a few years ago. Now that I have the knowledge, I wish I had known it all along. I wish I had been taught it when I was younger. I wish it was something that was explained in school.
There are so many amazing children’s books about this topic. I have a bunch of them listed on my book recommendations page on the website. Some of these books are perfect for explaining this difference to children in terms they can understand. Most of these books are great for adults as well.
But why is this not discussed more in schools? Why is it still not common knowledge? Why do so many people have such a hard time accepting the difference between gender and sex?
I hope one day I don’t have to worry about if my children are only tolerated. I hope one day they will all be accepted for who they are. I hope they never change who they are to fit into what society has deemed acceptable. Because they are perfectly acceptable being who they are.
