“I’m too busy for that. I’m on my way to Ahtohallan.”
We have a wood furnace that heats our home in the winter. I feel like all year long we are constantly stacking wood, splitting wood, gathering wood, etc. The boys usually love to help us. But one time, Hayden was just too busy on his way to Ahtohallan; a Paw Patrol backpack on his back filled with dolls and other items he’d need on his journey. Of course he was wearing an Elsa wig and dress as well. He simply had another adventure in mind instead of stacking wood.
Frozen has taken over our home. Hayden has Frozen dolls, a Frozen castle, Frozen books, Frozen clothes, Frozen socks, Frozen underwear…as long as it is from Frozen, Hayden wants it. I thought when I had boys, I would skip over Frozen mania. Boy was I wrong!
Like I’ve said before, I know some amazing mom’s who support my son wholeheartedly. For Hayden’s 3rd birthday they arranged to get him Barbie’s of Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff. For his 4th birthday he was given Frozen puzzles, a homemade Elsa wig and a dress. Not a dress-up dress, but a real dress he could wear everywhere. And he did. He wore that dress so often, it is permanently dirty. No matter how many times I wash it, it won’t come clean.
We knew Hayden loved Frozen. He was always singing, “Let it Go” and asking to watch the movie. We just didn’t realize how much he loved it until he was at a birthday party shortly after he turned three. Hayden came out of his friend’s playroom wearing a hand crocheted Elsa dress with a Rapunzel wig. He had the biggest smile on his face. It took my husband a minute to recognize that it was Hayden dressed up as Elsa, not some other little girl at the party. Hayden didn’t want to take that dress off. He had never been happier. A few weeks later, that same dress was gifted to Hayden and he wore it at home almost every day until he outgrew it (which we then had to replace with a store bought Elsa dress).
The love and support I have seen for my son has helped my whole family. I have struggled often with what is the right thing to do. I have struggled with going out in public with my son in a dress. I have struggled with buying him items that are meant for girls. I know I’m not the only parent in the world who has felt this way. We have gotten some odd looks. We have gotten some snide comments from people (even from people we thought would be supportive). Unfortunately, this is the world we still live in. Both my husband and I grew up in a time where it was still very much boys are boys and girls are girls. It took me a long time to change my mindset. It took seeing the pure joy on Hayden’s face to wonder why society felt it was so wrong for a boy to dress up as a princess. It took Hayden’s confidence in a twirly dress for me to fully understand that gender has nothing to do with it. It’s about what makes a person happy. Not about the gender they are born into.
Between the ages of 30-33, I have changed my thinking from the way I thought society was supposed to be. Those boys are boys and girls and girls ideals I learned during the time my generation grew up are not how I want my son to grow up. I want him to grow up in a world that accepts everyone for who they are. If I can change my mindset in my thirties, then it’s definitely possible for others to change their mindset as well.
I started this blog so I could connect with others who had boys like Hayden. Hayden is 100% true to himself. I admire his courage to just be himself. But as a parent you worry about your child all the time. Knowing that you are not alone in your worries is such a relief. Knowing that there are other boys out there who love Frozen as much as your son is wonderful. We had gone into the unknown when Hayden first put that blanket on his head as princess hair. We didn’t know where this journey would take us. It was unfamiliar territory. But things aren’t as unknown now. We know who Hayden is. We know what makes him happy. We would never change anything about Hayden. He is 100% his true self. I admire him for that. I wish I felt like I could always be 100% my true self. I am sure we will venture into the unknown again as the years go on. But knowing that Hayden is not alone makes that journey so much easier.
This post makes me feel so happy! Hayden is lucky to have parents that recognize their entire world view might need to be changed for the love of their child. It sets a really good example and it gives him a priceless gift.
Thank you!
The joy on Hayden’s face should be enough to convince anyone that supporting what brings us joy is more important than adhering to society’s rigid rules- where did they come from anyway? Unfortunately, many people continue to believe in these rules and to feel it is more important to push them on others. A long time ago, I decided if it wasn’t hurting anyone, then what other people do is no reason to get my feathers ruffled. This attitude became a part of my very core the day I became a parent. The idea of rejecting my child or stifling them and making them feel “less than” was soul crushing for me. I am sure I have unintentionally done that over the years, but never with eyes wide open. And it can be hard. Really hard as K is sharing in these posts. This is courage. Allowing your child to be who they are, knowing it may be the harder path for them and by extension, for you. K and her family are heroes as far as I am concerned. We can ride their coattails by embracing and celebrating anyone who is brave enough to be true to themselves. Maybe the coattails will just keep getting longer as more people jump on.
Thank you! I’m hoping this will eventually become the norm and as parents we don’t have to worry about others as much when our child wants to be their true self.
I am really optimistic about this. Hayden is the driving force in his dress wearing. He enjoys it and is probably to a certain extent willing to handle social obstacles that get in the way. That is different from involuntary difficulties that kids may have like disabilities etc. I believe the support he experiences from his parents will help him through the challenges that may come. Love your blog! Please continue the good parenting! ❤️
Thank you for your continued support! I’m hoping our support as his parents will keep encouraging him to be himself.