“I am me!”
Hayden has been telling us,” I am me,” for quite a long time. We had to unlearn old stereotypes. We have become more mindful. We have become more knowledgeable. We have been following Hayden on this journey.
Hayden has always known. I think, deep down, we have always known too. But we were just waiting for the confirmation from Hayden. The declaration of, “This is who I am!” And with the help of our psychologist, we are continuing our journey in a bit of a different direction.
This post has been difficult for me to write. Not because of Hayden, but because of my own insecurities. Sometimes, I want to just crawl into a hole and hide. Some days I don’t want to talk about it at all. Because for some reason I still cling to acceptance of people. If we tell them this, will they stop talking to us? They were okay with our journey so far, but will this curveball change that? Will our friends and Hayden’s friends still be our friends when they find out? All insecurities that I am working through. Because this has been my insecurities, not Hayden’s.
It also could be the Mama Bear inside of me. I want to protect Hayden from everything. I want to try and make life as easy for Hayden as I can because I know someday it may not be so easy. I want to shelter Hayden from the hate. I want Hayden to see all the love and acceptance. Because there is absolutely nothing to fear about Hayden. It is our own insecurities that cause fear and hatred.
I have spent weeks trying to figure out the best way to tell people. Trying to tell people one at a time in person was causing me panic attacks. I had to get the courage up each time. Sometimes I would start to say it, and then change the subject. I needed a way to rip the bandaid off. A way to let everyone know. And then let them make the decisions for themselves. Stay in our lives and follow this journey, ask questions about our journey, or stop following our journey if that is what they felt was best for them. I don’t need to add this extra anxiety to my already full plate.
So after much debate, and finally just asking Hayden, we decided it’s time to just rip the bandaid off.
Hayden has been telling us for quite some time, “I’m a girl.” At first, we thought it was just about what Hayden felt comfortable in. But the more confident Hayden has become, the more persistent Hayden has been. Declarations of, “I’m a girl,” have been constant in our home. And so with help from our psychologist, other Mama Bears and close friends we have made the pronoun change.
Hayden has requested to use she/her pronouns. Hayden is a girl. Hayden has always been a girl. She has been telling us for months. We have been listening, but because of our own insecurities, hadn’t been fully ready to make the change. What if Hayden just wanted to be a girl because it’d be easier based on the clothes/ preferred toys/activities? We tried the toys are for everyone, clothes are for everyone, activities are for everyone approach. But, that’s not who Hayden was. Hayden has always been a girl.
So now our journey has diverged on to a bit of a different path. Hayden is leading the way. And Hayden is happier than ever using the proper pronouns. She has grown in confidence even more the past few weeks when someone uses her proper pronouns. She is fully herself!
This is wonderful news! It seems as long as I have known her, Hayden has been a girl. She is incredibly blessed to have you as her family, as I have said before. She has started this journey at a very young age and the world is becoming more tolerant, so hopefully, her journey won’t be as hard as you fear. I am happy to celebrate with you. Congratulations, It’s a girl!
Thank you! Hayden definitely has some amazing people in her corner!
I understand your fears and your protectiveness. I totally get you. You and Hayden are incredibly brave and I am here to celebrate with you. You have another friend in your corner. I wish we lived closer. We would be having you and Hayden over so she could play with Parker and Tate. So she could know there are others out in this world like her, forging their way against the grain. And others who accept without question.
Thank you! If only we lived closer! It would be so great for Hayden to see she’s not alone! Maybe some day after covid! Thank you again for all of your support!
I am so joyful for you both. I know this was a big, hard step, but you made it and you can both rest easier now knowing you’re on the right path. She is so lucky to have you.
Thank you! Thanks for all of your support from day 1!
I’m happy for Hayden and your family! This is a big step and I’m sure it’s a relief to share the news about your daughter 💜 What a gift to know exactly who she is and be confident and happy, and be loved so much by her family and friends. Thank you for sharing this news and sharing her story with us.
Thank you! I’m sure there will still be bumps in the road and the journey is far from over but now we can say with confidence that Hayden is a girl!
Hayden couldn’t have a more supportive and loving environment or family. She is going to keep doing great things! Hayden!! You are beautiful, and you are loved! Keep waving at those parades!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
Thank you! I heard there’s one in September in Albany that we’re hoping to go to!
You have my full love and support cuz! Hayden is so sweet, love her!
Thank you!!
Our daughter, Liv, is 5 and changed her pronouns last year. You’re absolutely right about this journey. For us, it all started with an Elsa nightgown for Christmas when she was two, but looking back I realize that it…always was. She’s always been a girl. So, honoring her request for a name, and set of pronouns that feel like her, is the very least we can do to let her know that we’ll be beside her on the journey wherever it takes us. That we believe her, and have always believed her. And that she’s wonderful. That’s what mamas do, right?
So.
Keep going, mama. There are others of us out there. You’re doing an amazing job.
Thank you for sharing! And thank you for the support! I’ve heard from so many that Elsa was the start for their child. There must be something about Elsa that helps our children tell us who they truly are. I’m so glad to be able to connect with others who know exactly what our journey is like! Thank you!