COVID-19 In A Dress

It’s been five months since things have been normal…

“I’m not going to school?  That means I can wear a dress!”

This was probably the most positive outcome from going into quarantine.  As usual, on Friday March 13th, Hayden walked in the door, dropped his backpack and ran into the playroom to put on a dress.  Little did we know that from that moment on, Hayden would refuse to wear “boy” clothes.  He left his jeans and shirt on the playroom floor, never to be worn by him again.  

I’ve mentioned before how stressful trying to teach from home with the three boys was. It’s not something I would recommend.  All of my students heard my kids crying or screaming for “Mommy” at some point during distance learning.  I may have even lost my cool with the boys once or twice (always when the computer was closed), but it was not an easy time for us.  But, for Hayden, it was a glorious time.

Hayden didn’t have to get up and put on clothes that he hated every day.  He could stay in his pajamas all day if he chose (getting dressed became optional after awhile) or he would change into a new dress every hour.  Hayden changed his outfit at least five times a day.  He would come sit on my lap during a meeting in an Elsa dress and then pop into his brother’s Kindergarten meeting a few minutes later dressed as Rapunzel.  

Since we had nowhere to go, my husband and I didn’t have any issues with Hayden wearing a dress all day long.  At this point, Hayden had been wearing a dress to the library every week when we went for activities and he was starting to wear them to some friends and family members’ homes.  He was definitely happiest in a dress.

He definitely had the best Easter ever.  He picked out a pretty dress, asked for his nails and hair to be done and smiled happily in every Easter picture.  The Easter Bunny even got him some new Barbie clothes that he has since put on every Barbie he owns.  He was loving this new normal. 

Hayden even learned how to get the Google Home to play his favorite princess songs.  At random times of the day we would hear “Let It Go” or “Into The Unknown” playing from the kitchen.  He would stand next to the Google Home and dance.  His dresses would twirl.  Sometimes, he would even jump off the bench at the kitchen table to make his dress float around him.  He was in his glory.  And according to CNN Health many children like Hayden were enjoying this time home.  

As difficult as this whole pandemic has been, I am thankful for what it has shown me about my son.  It has opened my eyes to who he truly is.  I always knew he loved dresses and everything to do with glitz and glamour.  But, I had thought the best thing for him was to wear his dresses at home and dress like a “normal” boy at school or other public places we had deemed not safe to wear a dress to.  But, I was wrong.  So very wrong.  I was stifling him.  I wasn’t letting him be his true self.  I was trying to force him to compartmentalize.  He had to act one way at certain places, but could be himself at home.  I wasn’t being fair to him.  I was acting like there was something wrong with Hayden.  When in reality, there was something wrong with me.  I had the issues, not Hayden.  

As stressful as trying to juggle mom, teacher, and home-school parent was, I am grateful I had this time with my boys.  I hope they look back on it as a time where there were no bedtimes, getting dressed was optional, and playing in puddles during every rainstorm was a must.  And I hope Hayden remembers this time as when his parents fully understood who he was.  When he was able to be completely himself.  

His closet is now rearranged.  The “boy” clothes are packed away for his younger brother.  The dresses have been sorted by dress up clothes and every day clothes.  At least five new Elsa items have been added to his wardrobe.  Nightgowns are now found in his pajama drawer.  And skorts have taken over where his “boy” shorts used to be.  He is much happier with his clothing choices now.  He tells us daily that he is not going to wear the boy clothes again.  

So, now as the start of the school year draws nearer, I worry again.  Not only because everything is so uncertain.  And not  because I still don’t have a clear idea of what I am going to do with my own children if everything shuts down again, because I have to teach virtually from my empty classroom.  But, because Hayden is going to go into Kindergarten wearing “girl” clothes.  And I still worry that he won’t be accepted.  It’s probably because I’m his mom and want to protect him.  And I know it’s not always easy to be the different one.  It’s my job to worry.  I just hope my worrying doesn’t rub off on him.  Because, I know how confident he is on a daily basis.  And I hope he is that confident going into school.  

 But, in whatever capacity he is learning this year, I can guarantee Hayden will be in a dress.  And if it’s not a dress, it’s a princess shirt and jeans or leggings.  He is going to wear what he is most comfortable in.  We will take each day as it comes.  Each interaction will be a learning experience.  And we can thank COVID-19 for that.