A Dress To The Library

If it floats and twirls around while jumping on the trampoline, then it’s the perfect dress. 

I often watch Hayden on the trampoline, making his dresses float up and down.  His wardrobe now consists of any dress or skirt, as long as it is pretty.  But the one’s that twirl are still his favorite.  If you look in the playroom, you will find dresses, barbies, and dolls everywhere.  Hayden changes his clothes about five times a day, depending on the activity he is doing.  His older brother is often found in gym shorts and could care less about dresses.  The two are best friends, yet so different.  We often find our youngest son trying to put on accessories because he watches Hayden, but his temperament is more like our oldest.  And cars are by far his favorite choice.  These boys don’t find anything wrong with Hayden’s wardrobe choices,  probably because this is just who Hayden is.    

I wish Hayden’s brothers’ acceptance of a boy in a dress was as easy for the rest of the world.  It’s something my husband and I continue to struggle with.  Not because we don’t want Hayden to wear what makes him happy, but because not everyone accepts a boy in a dress.  I am very lucky to have an extremely supportive group of moms at my local library.  One mention to them during storytime how much Hayden loves to wear dresses and play with dolls.  I can’t even remember where his first dress came from, but almost immediately these moms started giving me their daughters hand me downs.   

I have never seen Hayden so happy.  He would try on every dress and look at himself in the mirror with a huge grin on his face.  He started to get into a routine.  In the morning, Hayden would put on the “boy” clothes I had laid out for daycare.  He would not complain.  This is just the way things were.  As soon as we returned home in the evening, he would shed his “boy” clothes and put on a dress.  He would wear the dress until bedtime.  Sometimes, he would change his dress multiple times.  He began to find his favorite dresses.  An old purple Easter dress soon became the number one choice.  He would wear it almost every day.  He would jump in it, swing in it, play in the sand box, drive trucks with his older brother, and of course twirl in this purple dress.  

His older brother’s 5th birthday party is the first time I remember Hayden asking if he could wear a dress for an event.  My response was, “After everyone leaves, you can put it on.”  I was more worried about what everyone would think about me as a mom, than about my son’s own happiness.  It turned out to be a humid, 80 degree day for the birthday party.  There were around 20 kids running around in my yard, enjoying themselves.  Towards the end, Hayden took it upon himself to go inside and change.  I looked up as I was saying goodbye to another parent and Hayden came walking outside in his purple, velvet, Easter Dress.  He had put on jewelry and cowboy boots.  This was not a dress for a warm spring day.  It was a dress for a cold wintery day.  Yet, Hayden was beaming.  Not one person said a word to me about Hayden wearing a dress other than, “Look how cute he is.”  

Home was Hayden’s safe space.  Never again, would I deny him a dress at home.  Hayden was happy and that’s what mattered.  Soon after the birthday party, some of the library moms started looking for summer dresses.  And now, Hayden was starting to build a wardrobe of dresses for all seasons.  He had not only princess dress-up dresses, but every day dresses that he wished to start wearing in public.  At home, Hayden got to be Hayden.  In public, I was still nervous about what others would say.  This was not how our generation grew up.  We didn’t know what the right thing to do was.  But, the library was a safe space.  Hayden was loved there.  So this is where he wore his first dress.  He was ecstatic walking into the library in a dress.  A few kids snickered at a boy in a dress, but Hayden didn’t notice.  The smile never left his face.  

I think having a boy in a dress was more of a struggle for my husband and myself than my son.  He could care less about what other people thought of him.  And we just wanted him to be himself.  So at the age of 3 ½, he had at least two safe spaces to wear a dress.  Soon, those safe spaces would expand because the more often Hayden was in a dress, the happier he was.