Things I’ve Learned

“Just Be You!”

It’s been almost a year since I have started my blog.  A year of learning.  A year of questions.  A year of tears.  A year of laughter.  A year to remember. 

 Here are the top four things I have learned this year from watching Hayden grow:

1. You can’t please everyone.  Not everyone agrees with how we are raising our children.  Some people have very nasty comments about what we are doing.  Some people have been down right mean to us.  But I am getting better at understanding that it’s not us, it’s them.  What I mean is, everyone has their own beliefs.  And not all beliefs are going to align with our own.  I would hope in the 21st century people would be more open minded.  But it’s not always going to happen.  There are always going to be people who don’t agree with our lifestyle, and I am starting to become okay with that.  It has been quite the process for me to get into this mindset.  And some days are not easy.  But I am getting better.  I am slowly understanding that I can’t please everyone.  I have this constant need to make sure I never say the wrong thing, to make sure I don’t never do something to make another person mad at me.  If someone is mad at me, I sit there for days thinking about everything I did wrong and how I could change that.  But, I have come to realize that I can’t please everyone.  Some people will be mad at my lifestyle and there is nothing I can do to change that.  I can be kind.  I can educate my children.  I can teach them to be open minded.  But I can’t please everyone.  Each day gets a little easier, some days I need to remind myself constantly.  But I am getting there.  And I hope someday, it won’t bother me at all anymore.    
2. It’s not always going to be easy.  Losing friendships is hard.  Having family members who don’t agree with your life decisions is hard.  Being left out of a group chat stings.  Trying to explain who your child is can be confusing to people.  Trying to do best for all of your children is difficult.  None of this is easy.  But it’s the best path for us. It’s the path we have chosen.  Those who are meant to stay in our lives, will stay in our lives.  Those who want to know more will ask questions.  We are happy to answer those questions.  Some days are very hard.  Some days are filled with worry.  I’m hoping those days will help make us stronger as a family.  Life isn’t meant to be easy.  But sometimes it feels harder than it should.       
3. Educating yourself is important.  Growing up, I was not aware of all of the things I am now.  I didn’t understand gender.  I didn’t understand the difference between orientation and gender.  I didn’t have access to the children’s books out now that show all kinds of different people.  I love that my children have access to these types of books.  I have learned just as much from them as my children have.  It’s never too late to educate yourself.  I have learned some amazing things this year.  I still don’t feel like I know enough.  I am working on learning more.  I am continuing to read books.  I am continuing to ask questions.  I am continuing to research topics I am not familiar with.  Learning never stops.  And I never want to stop learning, especially if it’s going to help me be a better advocate for my children.   
4. Never stop being yourself.  If this year has shown me anything, it’s that you are you.  And you should never let someone try to take that away from you.  Always be yourself.  Because the self you are is amazing.  Hayden has taught us this.  And I am so grateful for it.  If Hayden has shown us anything this year, it’s that you need to find the you that makes you the happiest.  Even if that you isn’t the same as everyone else.  Even if that you is what society deems to be wrong.  If you are happy and confident, that you is who you were meant to be.  Never stop being yourself. 

I’m excited to see what the next year holds for us as a family.  I know there will be a lot more learning and growing for us.  But the one constant will be that Hayden is supported no matter what.  Hayden has a group of ally’s who will be there for Hayden.  Hayden has a support system that will help with every change and question we encounter.  Hayden is loved.  Hayden will always be able to be Hayden.