“Some people, they’ll never accept him, but some will and he seems to know how to find the good ones.” -Grandma Paguro.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog post. I am really struggling getting back into a routine since the school year started. I feel like every morning is just rush, rush, rush. Every evening is the same. Unpack backpacks, repack backpacks, make lunches, try to clean up something in the house, bathe the kids, get them in bed so we can start the rush, rush, rush morning routine all over again. And then throw dance class, soccer, and trying to finish potty training a very stubborn three-year-old into the mix. I hope things slow down soon. I miss writing every other week. But it’s just seemed too much lately with all the craziness in our lives. I’m back to writing now. I can’t guarantee I’ll get a new post out every other week, but I will try to be more consistent than I have been recently.
The other night my kids were watching Luca on Disney Plus as I got lunches ready for the next day and dinner ready for that night. I sat down with them for the last twenty minutes of the movie. The quote from Grandma Pagura got me all emotional. She laid out exactly what I have been feeling since we announced Hayden’s transition. I was so nervous to tell some people. I was worried it would change the way they interacted with Hayden. I was worried we might lose them from our loves.
But now I have changed my mindset. Some people will accept my daughter. Some people won’t. But the ones that do are the ones that are meant to be in our lives. The ones that don’t, don’t need to have a place in our lives right now. The most important thing right now is for Hayden to know that she is who she is meant to be. There is nothing wrong with her. She is a beautiful little girl. She has an amazing smile and personality. And if people can’t accept that, it is their issue, not ours.
I wish it was easy to change someone’s mindset. But if anything about the political turmoil our country is in right now has shown me, it’s that people will believe what they want to believe. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground anymore. People don’t seem to want to understand other people’s opinions. They have their own opinions and there is no changing them. You can’t change them unless they want to change. And right now, I don’t have the energy to try to change other people’s opinions. If they don’t agree with our lifestyle choices, then they don’t need to be part of our life. Honestly, our family just doesn’t need the negativity right now. We love our daughter. We want to do what’s best for her. And right now, those who accept her for who she is, is what is best for her and for us.
The biggest change among our family and friends has been the pronouns. Sure we still slip up from time to time. My oldest has even corrected me a few times. I hate that I slip up. But, when you spend years referring to your child with one pronoun, it can be hard to use the correct pronouns. Not because we don’t support her. But because this is new for all of us.
Kids seem to have had the easiest time with the transition. Some of my friends tell me how their kids correct them all the time. Some of their kids have even said, “I know Hayden is a girl. She’s always been one.” These are the good ones in our lives. And Hayden is lucky to have a lot of good ones. She sure knows how to pick her friends.
Others in our lives haven’t found the transition as easy. Some slip up and apologize. And I totally understand. Change is hard. And this is new territory for a lot of people. Some just use Hayden’s name. They don’t seem to use pronouns at all. And others haven’t said a word to us since we announced Hayden’s transition. And that was to be expected. The silence says a lot. It hurts. But we know where they stand. And, I think it’s better that we know now than years down the line. Because the good ones are the most important for us right now. They are the ones who love and accept our family as it is. They are the ones who we hope will be there with us through it all. Because some people may never accept Hayden for who she is. But those that do are the ones that make all the difference in the world to our daughter.
