The Holidays

“Can we put out the Christmas stuff yet?”

The holidays are looking a little bit different this year.  Not only because of the pandemic, but because Hayden is one hundred percent being himself.  I have never seen him more excited for the holidays.  

He always loved putting out the holiday decorations, getting a tree and waiting for Santa.  But this year, he is doing all of that in a dress.  He doesn’t have to put on “boy” clothes for holiday pictures or meals.  He gets to pick out some of the frilliest, sparkliest dresses from his closet. 

I was looking through old holiday pictures the other day and I was struck by the difference in his smile.  He smiled in every picture, but it wasn’t a pure joy smile.  This past Easter was the first time he wore a dress for a holiday.  He was ecstatic.  And you can tell by his smile in the Easter pictures we took.  He is just so happy

Sure, he loved all of the other holidays.  He always had fun with his cousins, seeing his grandparents and anticipating the arrival of Santa.  But he hated putting on a button down shirt and khakis.  He hated having his hair combed to the side.  He hated having to match what his brothers were wearing. 

When we would go to the store anytime after Halloween he would see all of the Christmas dresses in the clothing aisle.  He would walk over to them and touch them, looking at them with hope in his eyes.  “This is so pretty Mommy.” or “I really want this,” He’d say.  And we would always tell him that they are very pretty but they are for girls.  His three and four year old self didn’t understand why he couldn’t wear what he wanted to.  What he felt most comfortable in.

The truth was, we weren’t comfortable with him wearing those clothes yet.  Sure, he dressed up all the time at home.  He had a huge bin full of sparkly dress up dresses.  But those were just to wear around the house.  Not out in public and not in front of family.   

This year, everything is different.  The holidays are not only going to be different for us, but for pretty much everyone else in the world.  As numbers rise, each state is starting to slowly shut down again.  Some are issuing curfews, some are limiting the number of people allowed in a home and some are requiring quarantine if you’re around anyone not in your immediate family.  So many people will not be around their extended families this year for the holidays.  

But, new memories will be made.  The holidays will still be special.  And I know ours will be memorable because whether we are able to see family or not, Hayden will be putting on a fancy, twirly, sparkly Christmas dress.  He will have a smile of pure joy on his face.  

This will be the thing he remembers most about the holidays.  It won’t be about how different everything is this year.  How we couldn’t do some of the things we always do like sitting on Santa’s lap or taking a train ride to the North Pole.  It’ll be the joy of knowing he can wear what makes him most comfortable and that no one in our home will tell him to take it off.  It’ll be the excitement of Christmas morning, waking up to see if Santa came.  Knowing that instead of trying to give him a mix of “boy and girl” presents, Santa will be bringing him gifts that are for everyone to play with.  Because toys aren’t just for boys or for girls.  Toys are for everyone.  

And knowing how happy he is wearing and playing with what he loves, is the best Christmas present we could have asked for.  Knowing that he doesn’t have to pretend to be someone he’s not is a wonderful feeling.  So no matter how different the holidays may be this year, remember, it’s the little things that are the most important.  It’s the little things that our children will remember.  It’s the little things that will put the biggest smiles on their faces.