Sibling Love

“How do your other children feel about Hayden?”

I get this question a lot.  How do my other children feel about Hayden? 

 Hayden is my middle child.  He also is very different from his brothers in both personality and temperament.  My oldest and youngest have a lot of the same traits.  My pregnancies were similar with both of them as well.  They both are very active, always finding a way to get into trouble and gravitate towards more of the typical “boy” items.  Hayden, as all my readers know by now, is different from his brothers.  He loves sparkly, pretty things.  He loves to play with dolls and dress up.  He loves to sing and dance. Though I could do without the shrill screams during a meltdown.  

His older brother barely remembers Hayden without a dress.  They are only seventeen months apart and as far as he’s concerned, this is how Hayden has always been.  They have their moments, but for the most part, they get along very well.  They often want to have sleepovers in the same bed, they play together for hours on end and have silly conversations.  

His younger brother is almost three.  He doesn’t really know any different.  To him, this is how Hayden has always been.  And it really is how Hayden has always been.  It just took us as parents a little longer to fully pull away from gender stereotypes.  I wish we had realized sooner, but I guess you live and learn. 

In our house, toys are for everyone.  We may have stopped Hayden from wearing a dress in public at one point, but we never stopped our children from playing with a toy.   

In Hayden’s stocking, he found nail polish.  All three were playing upstairs together, very quietly.  When I found them, they all had their nails done and they all were super happy with the colors they chose.  My oldest even proudly displayed them at ski lessons the next day.  

Dress up has always been a big event in our house.  When my three play dress up, they must find the perfect costume and all of the accessories to go with it.  Most of our dress up clothes are frilly dresses or skirts but there are a few superhero costumes in the bin.  Though, the superhero costumes are rarely used.  Most often, it’s the princess dresses that are donned.  My youngest especially loves to put on an Elsa or Anna costume from Frozen.  He never lasts in the dress for more than five minutes, but while he’s in the dress, he runs around screaming “Let it Go!”  

Barbies are also for everyone in our house.  I found an awesome used Barbie Dream House on Facebook Marketplace and Hayden received it for Christmas.  It was the highlight of his holiday.  But all three have been happily playing Barbies with the dream house.  Hayden is the only one who likes to change their clothes and do their hair.  But all of them play for hours with the Barbie Dream House.  Hayden even convinced my husband to play with him too. 

I envy the relationship my children have with each other.  They may fight and pick on each other.  They have good days and bad days.  But they love each other.  They miss each other on the rare occasion one goes somewhere different than the others.  They seem to accept each other for who they are.  

So when people ask me, “How do your other children feel about Hayden?”  I really don’t know how to answer.  Because, for my children, it’s never been an issue.  Hayden is Hayden and they love him for being himself.