Brave

“Making the unknown, known.  Abandoning expectations instead of abandoning yourself.  Allowing the truth of your insides to live on the outside.  Letting the whole world think you’re a coward in order to remain true to you…”  Glennon Doyle (from her Podcast We Can Do Hard Things) 

What makes someone brave?  Is it their ability to stand up to fear?  Is it their willingness to do something that is hard for them?  Is it going into that creepy dark basement to restart the furnace?  Is it speaking your truth?  Is it standing up for what is right?

There are so many ways people are brave.  Oftentimes we think of superheroes as brave.  We think of someone who faces their fear as brave.  Oftentimes we think of it as the person who is running into danger, instead of running away.  That is definitely one way to be brave.  But it’s not the only way. 

Being able to set boundaries is brave.  Being able to say no is brave.  Being able to finally make that phone call that you have been rehearsing in your head all day is brave.  Getting up and being true to yourself every day is brave. 

  I am an avid listener to Glennon Doyle’s podcast We Can Do Hard Things.  (Also the author of Untamed). Her episode on what being brave is to her really spoke to me.  Because it’s not always what you do that makes you brave, but what you don’t do that can be the bravest thing. (If you haven’t listened to her podcast yet, you should check it out!  It really is amazing!) 

People tell me all the time that I’m brave for letting my daughter be herself.  I’m brave for letting her switch her pronouns, wear dresses, grow her hair out, etc.  I’m brave to challenge gender stereotypes. I’m brave for sending my daughter to school dressed in frilly, sparkly clothes every day. 

To me, this isn’t being brave.  This is me just being a parent.  Isn’t a parent supposed to support their child?  And Hayden clearly was never a boy, so aren’t we just helping Hayden speak her truth?  I don’t feel like this is being brave.  Sure, we had some uncertainties when we started our journey.  We were afraid of what people would say.  We were afraid of how people would treat her. But most of those were because of society’s gender stereotypes.  Once we’d figured this out, there was no question.  Hayden is who Hayden is.  And we are just helping her along this journey as much as she is helping us along this journey.

If anyone is brave, it’s Hayden.  She confidently challenged gender stereotypes on her own, from the first moment she picked up a doll or put on a dress.  She knew what she liked and what made her feel comfortable.  She told us who she was.  She has always been true to herself.  She is allowing the truth of her insides to live on the outside.  

I don’t think she fully understands how brave she is.  She is still quite young.  But she is so brave for being able to speak her truth.  To me, she is the bravest person I know.  There are days, I still feel like I don’t truly know who I am or what I really want to do with my life.  But she knows.  She is so lucky to know.  She is brave for living each day as her true self.  I only wish that all people were this brave.  Because it’s not always about standing up in the face of danger but being able to remain true to you, no matter what the world says.