Birthdays

“Is it my birthday yet?”

As a kid, birthdays are huge.  I know my children ask me for months if it’s their birthday yet.  They are always planning out their parties, changing their plans, changing their plans again, going back to the original plan, and then changing it once more for good measure.  To them, their party is the biggest and most exciting event of their lives.  So it requires a lot of careful planning.  

When Hayden was younger, we went with the typical boy themes (usually stuff that was left over from his older brother).  I don’t think our poor third son has ever had any brand new theme for his birthday.  We went with Mickey, Finding Dory, and Paw Patrol for Hayden’s first few birthdays.  We were still pretty gender specific at that time.  And Hayden was still young enough that he wasn’t telling us our party ideas were wrong.  

We did better at his 3rd birthday.  The theme may have been Mickey again, but we encouraged people to get Hayden what he enjoyed.  He had started expressing to us at this time that he loved Frozen and wanted some dolls.  And our friends delivered.  He got his first Frozen Barbies at his 3rd birthday. 

We did even better for his 4th birthday.  We let Hayden pick out the theme.  He let us know what he wanted.  And we listened.  And I’m sure you can guess what he chose…..Frozen.  We had balloons, decorations, party games all with the Frozen theme.  And he wore an Elsa dress and a wig.  We pulled out all of the stops.  We were going to embrace everything he loved.  

He had an absolutely amazing birthday party.  His gifts were based on his interests, not on what we thought he should have.  He had a beautiful Frozen birthday cake.  He had an Elsa pinata.  He got to play with his friends and no one judged him.  He was ecstatic.  Of course, at this time we still weren’t wearing dresses in public, so after the birthday party, he took his dress off and put back on his “boy” clothes.  But as soon as he would come home from anywhere, he would change immediately into a dress up dress.  

This was when I knew there was no going back.  He had a taste for what he loved and we supported him at home.  This is when he started pushing back a bit about his clothes.  If he could dress up at home, why not elsewhere.  And shortly after Christmas, he started wearing Frozen shirts with jeans to school.  He was telling us what he wanted.  But it took us awhile to really listen to him.  Looking back now, I really don’t know why I let gender norms get the best of me.  Because we are all different, and everyone has different interests.  So why should it matter if his interests are what are considered “girly”? 

Now that we are upon his 5th birthday, things have really changed.  Of course, his theme is Frozen again.  And we are in the middle of a pandemic, so this birthday is looking a little different.  But, I think it’s going to be his most memorable one.  Not because of all the things he can’t do because of the pandemic.  But because of how things at home have changed and how the school year is going for him.  He never has to worry about being himself with us.  And being able to dress in what he is comfortable in for school has been huge.  He is such a happy kid.  And this birthday shows that.  He is confident.  He is always smiling.  He is growing his hair out.  He wears dresses every day.  He is one hundred percent himself.  And we are not going to let anyone take that away from him.