“You finally got a girl!”
We were at a birthday party where we hadn’t seen some of the people in over a year. Hayden transitioning to a girl obviously had its ups and downs for us as a family, but now it feels like this is how it has always been. I have forgotten that not everyone is as familiar with Hayden as our close circle of friends and family are. A little girl came up to me and said, “You finally got a girl!” In previous years, she had said to me, “You sure have a lot of boys.” She was very excited about the idea that we now had a girl in our home. She didn’t bat an eye when I replied with, “Yes, Hayden is our girl.” She simply shrugged her shoulders, said, “ok” and went on with the party.
We are lucky that most of our conversations have been this easy. The change in pronouns has been the most difficult for those closest to us, but even that has improved immensely over the last few months. At school, my children’s teachers have said everything has been going great. There have been no issues directed at Hayden regarding her gender. Everyone thinks of Hayden as a girl and most students who were unsure have now become confident that she is a girl. This transition really has been pretty easy for her.
It has been a little harder for her older brother. He had told me it was going to be hard because he had only known Hayden as his brother. But then he said all the kids at school already think Hayden’s his sister so it’ll be easy there, just hard at home. And it was hard for him at first. But now he corrects others who use the wrong pronoun. His teacher even told me on the first day of school when they drew a picture of their family and presented it to the class, he said, “I have a Mom, a Dad, three cats, a lot of chickens, a turtle, and a brother and a sister.” A few days later, a child in the class who my oldest has known since pre-k said that my son actually has two brothers. My oldest turned red and started to get upset. His teacher swooped in and simply said, “Remember what he told us about his family on the first day of school. If he says he has a sister, he has a sister.” And that was the end of the conversation. They both moved on and when I asked my oldest about this incident he had already forgotten about it.
Even the doctor commented on the difference in her confidence at her yearly check-up. This was the first time Hayden had been to the doctor since her transition. And everything went smoothly there as well. “You now have a little girl,” Hayden’s doctor said to me. And then she went on to say how she is so happy Hayden has us because not all of her patients who have come out to her have had such an easy transition. Hayden’s medical record is going to use the proper pronouns. And we have already put in her record a reminder within the next year or two to start making our preparations for puberty. It has all been pretty easy and flawless so far.
I am such a worrier though. And I worry about the future. What is going to happen when she develops her first crush? Is that person going to be understanding? What about bathrooms? Or locker rooms? Or sleepovers? How is all of this going to work?
I know I need to take this just one day at a time. I am so thankful that our biggest hurdle so far hasn’t been that difficult. And right now, Hayden is so happy. She is living life as her true, authentic self. She is our little girl. And we are so happy she is ours.
