A Growing List of Places To Wear A Dress

“Mommy, why are you wearing that dress?  It doesn’t twirl or anything.”

Hayden has been giving me fashion advice for the past year.  He likes to tell me whether my dresses I wear to work are pretty or not.  If they don’t have a bit of twirl, then they aren’t the best dresses to wear.  I never thought I’d have to answer to a four-year-old about my work attire.  But, our little fashionista has been determining what he deems dress worthy for quite some time.  

The library was the first place Hayden wore a dress to.  He was quite adamant that every trip to the library included the wearing of a dress.  He was also now wearing dresses one hundred percent of the time we were home.  But, he wanted more.  He would put on the clothes I laid out for him for daycare every day,but he was starting to put up more of a fight.

“This is itchy!”  or “I don’t like this!”  were constant complaints.  God forbid I give him a button up shirt.

I know he longed to spend his entire day in a dress.  He just seemed to blossom once he put that dress on.  But my husband and I were still struggling with the idea of wearing a dress in public.  We were worried about what other people would think.  And deep down, I think we were wondering if this was just a phase that he would outgrow. I felt like I had to give an explanation every time Hayden brought up something that was “girl” related in public.  “Oh, he just loves the Disney princesses.”  or “He plays with a lot of girls.” were things I used to say.  We had a house full of boys.  We weren’t expecting to end up with a play room full of dolls and dress up clothes.  But we did.  I now get the joys of stepping on cars, legos and Barbie shoes daily.  

Hayden was getting frustrated with not being able to wear a dress everywhere.  He didn’t understand why he could wear a dress one place and not the other.  He would be in the midst of imaginative play and have to change clothes to run to the grocery store.  We tried the excuses of “you don’t want to get it dirty”, “it could get ripped” and “these are special, and special things stay at home.”  But, Hayden did not like our excuses.  He wanted to know why the girls at daycare could wear pretty dresses and he couldn’t.  Why out in public he saw girls in pretty dresses and jewelry and he couldn’t wear his pretty twirly dresses in public.    

One day, Hayden put a dress in his backpack before leaving for daycare.  He was around three and a half at this point.  He was giddy in the car and ended up spilling his secret.  I thought of taking the dress out and leaving it in the car.  But instead, I said he could ask his teachers if he could change.  They knew Hayden tended to “gravitate” towards more girl things.  He often brought in his Anna and Elsa Barbie to show to his classmates.  (We felt since these were toys and most of the children, boys and girls, liked Frozen, the Barbie dolls were okay to show at daycare). I had told them how he likes to wear dresses at home.  They had told me I could send him in a dress if I wanted to.  But, I wasn’t ready yet.  I usually just smiled at their suggestion and would say, “Maybe,” knowing that I wasn’t going to send him in a dress.  But, I guess Hayden decided we were ready for us.  

Before we even put his backpack in his cubby, Hayden had pulled out the dress and was telling his teacher he was going to wear a dress today.  He barely even said goodbye as he shut the bathroom door.  I left worrying not only what other kids were going to say, but what other parents would say.  What were people going to think about a mom with all boys allowing one to wear a dress?  

When I picked Hayden up that afternoon, he was still in his dress.  He was smiling, playing happily and was floating on cloud nine.  The teacher in the room said this was the happiest she had ever seen him.  He seemed more confident with the dress on than when I sent him with his “boy” clothes.  I knew he was probably asked questions from kids.  I knew parents who saw him were probably wondering why a boy was in a dress.  But in that moment, nothing mattered to Hayden but wearing a pretty dress.  And from that moment on, he brought a dress into daycare every day.  I don’t know why I continued to put him in “boy” clothes each morning.  He would change immediately upon arrival.  I guess it was my way of holding on to the “maybe this is just a phase” idea.

Later, I would find out some children did ask questions.  Most were just curious.   The daycare had some great books in their collection  (Jacob’s New Dress and Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress) that we soon added to our collection at home.  They read these books to the children and talked about how people wear what makes them feel happy and comfortable.  Hayden was beginning to advocate for himself in little ways, like sneaking a dress into his backpack.  Unfortunately, not every interaction would be as welcoming as daycare had been.  Hayden would have to start answering questions himself.   Which, he doesn’t always like to do.  He is the happiest kid I know.  Always smiling. (Overly dramatic when he is upset, though).  I hate to see him upset and unsure of what he should do for Kindergarten.  Because, yes, this is still a question we have unanswered in our house.  

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